Emotional homeostasis

Every living thing must maintain a stable internal environment, so that it can survive and grow. This ability to self-regulate is called homeostasis, which the Encyclopaedia Britannica defines as follows:

Homeostasis, any self-regulating process by which biological systems tend to maintain stability while adjusting to conditions that are optimal for survival. If homeostasis is successful, life continues; if unsuccessful, disaster or death ensues. The stability attained is actually a dynamic equilibrium, in which continuous change occurs yet relatively uniform conditions prevail.

Whatever the external conditions, all living things must maintain a stable internal environment, for life to continue.

Just as a stable biochemical environment is vital to biological life, so is a stable emotional environment vital to our continued personal inner life. And just as a plant’s internal stability is actually a dynamic equilibrium, that is constantly adjusted to allow for changing external circumstances, so is our inner emotional stability a dynamic equilibrium that we continually adjust in response to emotional stimuli.

For plants, the chemical makeup of the sap provides a basic measure of health. What measurements can we take to check our own inner emotional health?

Awareness

The gift of consciousness allows us to be aware of ourselves, of others and of the world. However, our initial awareness is always of ourselves.

Our simplest feeling of self-awareness is a sense of being, “I am,” All other feelings, thoughts and actions are based on this premise. This seemingly simple statement incorporates two fundamental notions:

• I: By using the word “I”, we imply that we are unique, “No-one else is me, and I am different to everyone else.”
• Am: I have a sense of life and of emotional existence. This sense of being gives me a feeling of continuity and wellness.

Each of these basic types of self-awareness is vital to our emotional well-being.

Self-definition

If I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am I and you are you. But if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then I am not I and you are not you.

Menachem Mendel of Kotzk, Tales of the Hasidim: The Later Masters

Every sentient thought implicitly includes the word “I”. “I see a car,” “I am hurt,” “I am happy,” “I am glad to see you” or “I know them.”

Using the word “I” implies that we are unique, distinct individuals, who possess our own feelings and thoughts.

Our sense of uniqueness is strengthened when we do things that are uniquely us. When we experience wonder and love, when we think originally and when we formulate our own thoughts and opinions, we create building blocks of unique self-identity. Our sense of uniqueness is also strengthened when other people recognise us for who we are.

On the other hand, our feeling of individuality can also be weakened, for example when we feel that we have been discounted as a person and, instead, have been treated as a thing (i.e. we have been objectified).

It is worthwhile noting that it is difficult to form strong relationships without a healthy sense of individuality. This is because our ability to relate to other people on their own terms, depends on our own sense of uniqueness. “I, as a unique individual, understand your individual uniqueness.”

Being

“No wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.” “Wouldn’t it, really?” said Alice, in a tone of great surprise. “Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle. “Why, if a fish came to me, and told me he was going on a journey, I should say ‘With what porpoise?”

Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Just as we do not go anywhere without a purpose, we also do not go anywhere without a sense of being. We feel that we are in a street, we are in a crowd, we are in an office or we are at home.

Our sense of being is strengthened in a number of ways. It is strengthened when we receive love and recognition. It is strengthened when we feel good about our own accomplishments. And it is strengthened when we tune in to the being of other things, whether those other things are people, animals or plants.

When we feel good about ourselves, our sense of being becomes stronger and more positive, “Being me is fantastic.” This self-affirmation makes us full of life and gives us the strength to carry on.

On the other hand, when we feel down, our sense of being becomes doubtful, “I’m not sure that being me is a good idea.” This lack of positive self-affirmation can make us depressed and directionless.

Thought experiment

Throughout life, we work to build our sense of uniqueness, our sense of self-worth and our sense of “being”. Like all other endeavours, this has its ups and downs.

• Ups happen when we feel appreciated, when we feel loved or when we sense the brilliance of just “being me”.
• Downs happen when we feel that we have failed, when we feel that we have been rejected or when we feel that our individuality has been denied.

The more we build up a bedrock sense of individuality and self-worth, the more we are able to motivate ourselves to progress, to do and to build. Investing time in developing a bedrock sense of individual self-worth can also see us through when the going gets tough.

A useful thought exercise to measure our sense of uniqueness and self-worth is as follows:

Imagine that the entire city you live in suddenly ceases to exist. There is absolutely nothing left, all the streets and the buildings vanish. You alone are left standing there.

Imagine the following specifically, no longer exist: The train (or car, bus, bike etc.) you take every day to work, the train-station you get off at, the business district you work in and the office building your company is housed in.

Now, think about the following:

“I”

• Can you define yourself as a person, with all the props of your daily routine removed?
• To what extent are you defined by the environment in which you live, and to what extent do you define yourself?
• Is the “city you” the same as the real “you”?
• Is what’s important to the “city you” the same as what’s important to the real “you”?
• Are you doing what the “real you” wants, with your life?

“Am”

• Do you need a reason to be happy (e.g. you have just bought something, received a promotion, gone on a holiday etc.), or can you just be happy with who you are?
• With all the hustle and bustle of the city gone forever, are you happy with who you are?
• Is your feeling of self-worth because of who you are, or because of what you do?
• To what extent are you significant because of your job?
• Do you decide what makes you valuable as a person, or are you living someone else’s expectations of you?

Now, let the city come back into existence, and take the real “you” back into the city.