The big print
I am OK
This applies
- Regardless of what I do or do not know.
- Regardless of whether or not I have a job.
- Regardless of how much I earn.
- Regardless of my looks or of how attractive I am.
- Regardless of anything people may say about me.
- Regardless of how well I relate to people and of how socially adept I am.
The small print
I am OK as is
Every person in the world is formed by the unique set of circumstances in which they grew up, the unique set of experiences they have been exposed to, their unique capabilities, their unique way of perceiving the world and their unique way of thinking and feeling.
OK’ness means that I am OK just the way I am, and I do not need to change or become like anyone else in order to be OK.
In other words, my OK’ness means that every single part of me is OK. I do not need to delete any part of me or change any of my thoughts, feelings or opinions because someone else thinks that it is not-OK for me to be like that.
I am a package deal, either like all of me or pass me by (and that’s fine as well).
I am unconditionally OK
People look for reassurance of their OK’ness when they are feeling down, which often happens when they are “losing the race of life”. However, it is equally important not to fall into the trap of conditional OK’ness.
If we feel OK only because we are winning at the game of life then we are hiding not-OK’ness behind our accomplishments. By making our OK’ness dependent on a winning streak, we are saying to ourselves, “In reality I am not-OK, but because I can prove to the people around me how good I am, I can live off their positive impression of me and I can trick myself into feeling OK.”
Besides being unfulfilling, this attitude is also not very practical. If we make our OK’ness conditional on continuing success, then our happiness depends on other people’s actions, on favourable circumstances and on getting it right every time. However, life has its ups and downs and it is unreasonable to assume that we will go on surfing the wave of success always and forever. If we only feel OK because we are riding a high, that places tremendous pressure on us to stay on a high, because we cannot fail under any circumstances. This pressure is likely to take its toll on our relationships, on our health and on the people around us.
Sure it is important to be successful, and success brings happiness and fulfillment. However our success must augment our OK’ness, not act as a smokescreen for feelings of unworthiness and insignificance.
I can give myself a pat on the back because I achieved something significant, or because I made someone happy, or because I gave away something precious to a cause that I believed in. But I cannot be OK only because of something that I did, rather my OK’ness is absolute and unquestionable.
OK’ness creates energy
OK’ness means that I am a living, pulsating, growing person who is in harmony with the world and with the people around me. OK’ness means that I can be down and out, but I am still worth something. OK’ness means that every single part of me is valid, beautiful and acceptable, whatever anyone thinks or says.
OK’ness means that I am utterly OK without reference to any personal accomplishment or acclaim. And my OK’ness fills me with energy, with laughter and with joy, which I share with the world and with the people around me.
Suggested growth plan
We grow the most by facing our challenges and proving to ourselves that we can overcome the obstacles that previously seemed insurmountable.
Think about a situation in which you tend to feel not OK, then think about how you would ideally be able to manage the situation. Think about the point at which you assume a not-OK attitude, and then decide that you will remain OK when that point of decision arrives, you will face the situation and you will win.
Looking out from the house you can see acres upon acres of farmland, with sheep and highland cattle grazing on it. In the spring, new born lambs run around next to their mothers, charging underneath them to drink the milk, their little tails wagging excitedly.
The mountains reach so high the tops are swallowed up by the clouds, like stepping stones up to the gods themselves. The ocean with shades of deep blue hails the sun’s rays as they shimmer like diamonds on the water. The breeze sails through the grass, reviving this wild, beautiful land…The Broken, By Siobhan Mackenzie
I couldn’t recognise who I was, but here I could see myself again. The world looked magical once more and I held onto this euphoric paradise as tight as I could. But the more I relaxed, the more I realised I couldn’t stay here forever. I couldn’t just run away as much as I wanted. I had to go back and face everything that had made me so sad for so long. I needed to face those dark times and hold my head up bloody high. I think at this point I realised I had grown up. Running away from bad situations is an easy thing to do. It’s painless. Happier. The real difficult task is going back to that same dark prison, and fighting it head on. Standing up to the demons that haunted you for so long and saying “Look at how strong I am, stronger than you ever will be.”
By consciously maintaining a state of OK’ness you can release the strength, positivity, constructiveness and creativity which will allow you to transcend the constricting feelings that are hemming you in.
Decide, overcome, feel good about your accomplishment and then look for your next growth challenge.
