Self-determination
We can sometimes feel trapped and unable to get out of a situation in which we find ourselves, often when this happens we find ourselves using the word “because”. For example, we may tell ourselves that our situation is “because” of something that happened to us, or that it is “because” of someone else’s actions.
Even if we are correct, by concluding that we are caught up in someone else’s designs, we have made it impossible for us to change our situation. This is because if we assume that we have been adversely affected by something that is out of our control, then we have assumed that it is also out of our control to improve our position.
A story: (There are various versions of the following joke, the following is the non-politically correct one.) An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were all working on the same building site together, and they always stopped at the same time to eat their packed lunches.
One day the Englishman opened up his plastic lunch container and screamed, “Oh no, not ham sandwiches again! If I have ham sandwiches again, I’m just going to have to… kill myself.”
The Scotsman opened his lunch box and, like the Englishman, screamed, “Oh no – salmon sandwiches again! If the wife makes me these one more time, I’m just going to have to… kill myself!”
The Irishman then opened his lunch box and exclaimed loudly, “Oh no – cheese sandwiches again! If I have cheese sandwiches once more, I tell you, I’m surely going to kill myself!”
Next day, lunchtime came round again. The Englishman opened his sandwiches only to find ham sandwiches. With a loud cry of “Ham sandwiches, I can’t bear them anymore!”, he ran along the roof of the building and flung himself off, falling ten floors to his death.
The Scotsman then opened his lunch box, found salmon sandwiches and screamed, “Och no, salmon again. I can’t bear it anymore!” and in turn flung himself off the building to his death. Finally, the Irishman opened his lunch box and, faced with the prospect of Irish cheddar sandwiches yet again, he leapt off the roof to his death.
At the funeral for the three men, held a week later, the three widows were weeping together.
The English wife sobbed, “I don’t understand it – I thought he liked ham.” The Scotsman’s widow cried, “I don’t understand it either. Jack would have said something if he really didn’t like salmon.” Finally, the Irish wife sniffed loudly, “I just don’t understand my husband at all – he always made his own sandwiches!”
The Moral: It is always within our ability to change the situation which we find ourselves in. Whether this involves deciding against self-defeating behaviour, looking for new opportunities or letting go of a familiar but difficult way of living, only we have the final say in the way we will live our lives.
Where I am today, we tell ourselves, is a consequence of what other people (our parents, for example) and circumstances have done to me. In blaming other people and events, we weaken our power. We argue, “Not my fault…”
As soon as we subscribe to this line of thinking, our chances for any kind of success dramatically decline…
The problem with this line of thinking is that if we don’t accept responsibility for where we are right now, we have no hope of changing our future. I promise you: if it’s the president’s fault, if it’s our neighbor’s fault, if it’s our spouses’ fault, if it’s the government’s fault, if it’s the weather’s fault, then we truly are stuck!
What are you going to do about the president! What are you going to do about the weather? What can you do about your neighbor? I’ll tell you: nothing! But if you can find the answer to your problems in the mirror—if the solution lies within you—well, there’s boundless hope, because you can start working on yourself today!
Mastering the Seven Decisions That Determine Personal Success, Andy Andrews, page 4
We all make our own sandwiches, and it is always within our ability to change what will be in our sandwiches tomorrow.